Friday, March 25, 2011

16 New Band Names from Recent Political Headlines

1.  Early Warning System - This was from all the news about the Tsunami from Japan and how cutting the Federal Government even a penny would somehow eliminate our early warning system.  Their songs are prescient.  They sang a couple songs about Freddie Mac and a song called "The Bear Stearns Bubble."

2.  Substantial Physical Nexus - This of course came from the "Amazon Tax" in Illinois and the Supreme Court ruling about an internet company's presence in a state.  This electronica band has smooth sounds and gibberish for lyrics.

3.  The Meltdowns - The media did this not Japan.  This Fear Music is popular amongst Hawaiians and people on the West Coast in America.

4.  Green Fracking - This band is a mix of environmental rock and the Drill Baby Drill crowd.  The lyrics constantly contradict each other.  Their concerts are marked by the lead singer coming out at the beginning and drinking a cup of oil.

5.  The Sex Tax - Liberals might take offense at this and Conservatives laugh but it's coming.  From a Democrat state.

6.  Antiquated Nationalism - This band is big in Korea and China even though they sing in English.  Everybody in England hates this band and in the big cities and on college campuses across America this band is never invited.

7.  The Debt Holes - These band members are all liberal progressives.  Their music sucks but Rolling Stone love them.

8.  Bankrupting Babies - This girl band is proud of the fact that to be in the band you have to have at least 3 abortions.  The previous drummer was let go when Planned Parenthood revealed she only had 2 abortions.

9.  2 Big 2 Fail - A boy band that is just that.  Too big to fail.  This sucker will never go away.

10.  The Non-Essentials - I love when we're told that we can't cut the non essential part of the government because that would increase unemployment.  They were recently cut from the South by Southwest concert list because they were... non essential.

11.  Trashing Sarah - This obviously progressive band plays clips of Chris Matthews and Rachel Maddow and the late Keith Olbermann during their songs.

12.  The Vindictive Principals - If Republicans were Union's worst enemy, then this band is their second worst enemy.  They sing about crushing unions and how their teachers sucked.

13.  Bright Liberals - This band has never been able to leave the ground.  They didn't start in their garage (they didn't have a proper permit) and they don't play in coffee shops because they weren't able to determine if the coffee was fair trade or not.  This band operates by committee which is why we haven't seen an album yet.

14.  Drawing Mohammed - After their tour of the Middle East we haven't heard from them.  I think the lead singer ended up on the street in Holland and his head was found a week later.

15.  The Extremist Evangelicals - Bands have to come up with outrageous names just to sound relevant.  Their new album "We all Gotta Die Sometime" was a hit with young protestants till the lead singer blew himself up at a local church severely burning the bass drummer.  They've apparently found a new lead singer but he's a Lutheran.

16.  The Illegal Canadians - This Tex/Mex band has not had the opportunity to play in the states yet since they haven't gotten their visas granted by Homeland Security.  Lead singer Jorge Ruiz thought the name would fool the authorities and claims racial profiling when people send them complimentary Pabst Blue Ribbon cans to their PO box.

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